This is life, these last few days… It’s kind of hard to explain how I feel. The first word that comes to mind is surreal. A true mix of fact and fantasy to say the least. The fact is, I have not been operating in some sort of cyclic fantasy, I am real. I am really doing this.
I thought my greatest accomplishment in life would be giving life, and prior to a few months ago, I still measured my value of worth on that milestone. Despite accolades, degrees, accomplishments and titles, I still lived an existence where all of that was miniscule in comparison to giving life.
Those core beliefs, by reason, I imagined a world where we created life together. That would bring me happiness, that was the logical answer. An organic relationship that we allowed to naturally progress, truth and reasonableness…We were progressing, both striving to be the best versions of ourselves. I know I was. Liberation from status quo, I was good, nothing else mattered. I had you. But my thinking was flawed…
It only took a few days for worlds to collide. Paint swabs and home improvement projects reduced to clothes neatly folded in boxes and eyes that looked in every direction but toward mine. It wasn’t nobility, it was an act of cowardice. It was dastard, but it started a revolution and a relevation. The revolution began when I realized that my destiny was not tied to any mere mortal. The revelation was that I still had life to give. There was much more for me to create.
I conceived a work in me. I fed it daily. Hourly… I nurtured it. I had to take care of myself in order for it to grow and fully develop. I carried it deep within myself. Protected it from the world, and from the worst. Self-preservation. I had to stay a live in order for it to live. Months passed, until the pain was almost too much to bear. Then finally, my labor was no longer in vain. Born in raw nakedness, cloaked in truth, I gave life to something. That life is real.
The truth is I never knew what to do with my power. I gave it away quite frequently. I lacked confidence in myself. I thought there ws only one form of creation. I neglected creativity. The bare essence of my own ability to create life… Unattached and focused, I was able to create. To give life to a creation of my own that I had the ability to share with the world. Despite vulnerability, I allowed a piece of my soul to exist outside of my body. I gave it to the world. I had accomplished what I thought was my mission and “An Ode” was born.
These last few days have been a whirlwind. In the midst of my regular everyday, I held my official Book Signing & Launch Party. I went back to my alma mater and spoke to a group of students eager to navigate the same path I had taken. I’ve become accustomed to accepting praise, signing my name and acknowledging this achievement. I finally created life. I gave birth to An Ode…
There is no real definition or benchmark on acheivement. I can’t restrict myself or set limitations where there should be no limits. As such, the next word that comes to mind is reality. Right here is my reality, and I’m going to enjoy every moment of it.
This is An Ode to creativity & creation, and having the abilitity to realize that I am capable of doing things on my own…
Details on the Book Launch & Signing to come.