Just Being…

Let me take a metaphorical pause to blow the dust off this blog because it has been a long time, almost four months, since I have provided this portion of my world with any updates.

To say I have not left my digital footprints across other mediums would be an understatement, as even in the absence from this space, I have been doing my work. It is just that every time I have sat down lately, I have been struggling to find the motivation to write here. First the idea of just how many updates I would have to provide seemed overwhelming. Then there were the moments when I was too hard on myself because the updates, I do have to share have nothing to do with me reaching my goal of finishing my manuscript by November 2021 as I had promised myself, I would do. Lastly, I found myself feeling the urge to keep various updates close to my hip and even closer to my heart, as they speak to a side of myself that I genuinely have never had that many opportunities to share because some matters of the heart have up until now been foreign to me. Fortunately, during all this time away, I turned 40 years old, and with that my lack of caring officially flew out the window, and I figured that everything is fair game.

The Future Is Forty… My birthday brunch.

This season of forty has been uniquely beautiful so far. I have experienced moments of pure joy and fueled myself through another year of living through a pandemic while dealing with grief and life adjustments without too many challenges to my mental health. Love found me when I least expected it. I grew closer to my mother. I shared my grief journey. I laughed until my stomach hurt. I allowed myself to bask in stillness. I wrote for leisure. I let myself rest. I gave myself permission to just be.

In my current state of “just being” I have found peace. I no longer feel the desire to constantly be on the go. Even with my taking a step back from working on my manuscript opportunities have still found their way towards me. I completed a six-week session called Unraveling Your Inner Child led by Alisha Acquaye of the New York Writers Coalition. This session allowed writers to explore the dynamics of Black girlhood and its’ influence on our writing. I shared parts two and three of my grief journey via the Black with No Chaser platform. I submitted pieces of my writing to different media platforms. I shared space with Black women writers during our Guild of Jaliyah workshops on Clubhouse. I watched seeds planted by A Tribe Called Manifest grow as others heeded the call of adding more spaces for Black and brown women to heal in community. I completed my reading challenge. I even entered a contest. Most importantly I smiled, and I have not stopped smiling since.

When I sent out the invite to my birthday brunch, I added a note that there would be a special announcement made that afternoon. I just did not know that those words would take a form of their own and that my announcement with be the formal introduction of a new chapter in my life. The holidays are bittersweet, and the void is felt from my father’s departure, but we were able to fill it with moments and memories. I rang in the new year in the best way possible, and here I am two weeks later anxiously awaiting the first long weekend of the year. I am not forcing my flow. I am enjoying the process and growing during it. My goal is still to sit atop the New York Times Best-Seller List, and I will continue to work on my craft and my manuscript. In the meantime, I am working on myself.