This was written three hundred and eighty-five days ago on April 25, 2018. My old blog: Change of Venue is where I housed the majority of my memories and musings. These words were written before I was a published author, prior to my phoenix moment, before my world ended and began again. Or so I thought… At the time I had no expectation of what was to come. I just knew that I was content with where I was in the moment. I was okay with letting go of my past to embrace the present. I struggled for months to reach that point again. The new year ushered in so many feelings that I had to relearn myself. I’d forgotten this peace, but ultimately I have rediscovered it. My peace is in this moment of reflection. This was affirmation.
My former life no longer holds a place in the forefront of my mind. I look and acknowledge lessons, and feel comforted by my growth. Recognition shines so brightly that I have to squint my eyes when faced with a glimmer of who I used to be. Who I was no longer embarrasses me. I boldly and proudly laugh at the mishaps. It empowers me when those from that point in time try to approach me in the present tense with ghosts of my prior life. My shield is too strong. I’ve evolved too far past it for any left over shame. I harbor no regrets for her downfalls. Her insecurities navigated the way to my strengths and led me down the trail of where I am now. I don’t shy away from remembrance. I’m finally able to look at those moments and be grateful for them. They were all worth it since they all brought me to this place in time. The ongoing.
I don’t know what sparked the catalyst. It wasn’t one singular circumstance or person. More like a slew of circumstance. There was no he who mysteriously rode into my life and saved me from myself. It took courage. It was a solo venture. I cultivated myself in fertile soil and finally began to grow.
You have to reach a breaking point in order to change your life.
A hard fought battle, but I’m grateful.
I am content.
I am here for this moment.