Hello and welcome to the last six months of 2019! That’s correct, 2020 is literally close enough for us to feel and start to prepare ourselves to take hold of it. Time unfortunately waits for no man, but I’ve been fortunate enough to make the best of my days. Working, writing, designing and planning to make this year one of the best of my life.
June ended on a high note with a successful event last night at Crumbville TX Bakery in Third Ward. Stuffed Cups and Stimulation was everything I hoped that it would be, an awesome night of poetry, delicious baked goods and fellowship! I got to meet a lot of new people and make new connections all while promoting my book and selling Ode inspired merchandise.
Vulnerability is complex. It was a major labor of love for me to be able to pour out my soul and share my poetry with the world, but last night I found difficulty establishing my level of comfort with my family in the audience. It wasn’t until they left that I was able to fully dive in to my reading and author talk and that bothered me. In my mind it seems as if I’d feel invincible with that layer of support surrounding me, but instead I felt almost embarrassed to even show an inkling of weakness in front of them through my words. In a sense, I believe I’ve created some sort of facade with my family that I don’t hurt or feel down or ever need help with things. I didn’t want them to hear me admit that my heart was truly broken, despite the fact that they’ve all read my book. I try not to show weakness in front of them and I try my best to shield them from anything less than me at my best. I talked to my mother about it this morning, and I realize that in some ways I do have some growing left to do. Maturity is akin to transparency in my mind. I should be able to be the rawest form of myself in front of the people who mean the most to me, yet I struggle at letting those parts of me seep through the protective seal. I want that to change.
My cup runneths over for the rest of the summer. July leading up into August will be a whirlwind of activity. I will be making time for self care in the midst of this marathon. I will also be taking time to celebrate how far I’ve come from a season that I thought was the end of my life as I knew it.
As always, the journey is never easy but the reward in the final destination makes it all worth it. This is an ode to owning every part of your story, even the ones you still aren’t that comfortable sharing.
Author F. Renee Hamilton 